Santa, International Criminal

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when inside the station,

Sat a single man, sitting in isolation;

The dim single light, a spotlight it cast;

Two cold chairs, and a metal table amassed,

A duo walked in, steaming with fury;

The local deputies, of a precinct in Missouri;

“Listen here buddy, we’ve got tons of charges on you,”

Said the first man, his face turning blue;

“Now hold up there, my friend Bill,”

Said the second, his voice shaky and trill;

“Let’s listen to what the man has to say,”

And on the table, his hands he lay;

The chubby man in red, with rosy cheeks,

Shuffled his leather boots, obviously antiques;

“Ho ho ho,” he started,

“I’m delivering presents, my route charted.”

“Going into each house, and leaving something,”

“For all the children, from LA to Beijing;”

Growled the first cop, in his notepad lettering,

“Yeah to me, that’s breaking and entering;”

“And for your sled, in the blizzard it crashed,”

“Lacked registration or insurance, for your ride smashed;”

“Full of commercial goods, with no entry permit,”

“Customs your skipped, with no visa you were ever admit;”

The chubby man in red, up he stood,

“I do this for kids everywhere, for the greater good;”

The first cop, did spittle from his mouth fly,

“One last time, none of this BS will I buy;”

“So many animals, none of them with tags,”

“What are you bringing in, with so many red flags?;”

The man in red, his face creased with worry,

“Oh my poor reindeer, I must see them in a hurry;”

 The trill voice again, ringing in the room,

“The vet is looking at them, their care for assumed;”

“But of your speeding, we must consider,”

“For the deputy, he must be a kidder;”

“Clocked in excess, in a residential area,”

“The neighbors you’ve given, a mass hysteria;”

“We wonder of the radar, did it have proper power?”

“Clocked you were, over five million miles an hour;”

The red man slumped, frustration hard to contain,

“Of that, I have a reason that all can explain;”

“To see children, all around the world,”

“In my sled, with haste I must be whirled;”

A fist slammed the table, from the first cop;

“Listen here bucko, this crap needs to stop;”

“Allowed is thirty-five, the speed limit,”

“143,000 times that you flew, deserving of more than a ticket;”

“Not to mention, the way you zoom,”

“Throughout our town, you caused a sonic boom;”

“Windows shattered, everywhere went glass,”

“So much damage, I should kick your …butt;”

Another cop entered, whispered in the first cop’s ear,

Now he raged, pierced the man in red with a leer;

“And to top it all, a child did you snag,”

“Found crying, in your big red bag;”

A whimper, “A mistake I say,”

“The poor child crawled in, sometime along the way;”

The first cop, turning to the other,

“I want this clown out of here, and find the mother;”

His cheeks no longer rosy, something left his soul,

“Have I been bad, will I get some coal?”

The first cop glared back, his anger arisen,

“What? No! You’re going to prison;”

And I heard the deputy exclaim, as he turned the key with delight,

“Merry Christmas you animal, don’t let the bed bugs bite.”